Last week's episode wasn't what you'd call a rousing success, with little Kaylee 6-7 on the day.  There's an argument to be made that, at the age of four, she's picking with her heart and not her still-developing head.   So today, in search of success, we seek out the craftiest guy we know:  Mark*, who as a practicing heterosexual male managed to talk his way into a job at our local Victoria's secret.  

*Mark's name has been changed at his request, because his manager saw my notebook and figured out we were up to something and followed us around the store a little too closely for comfort, which is also why Mark is alternating his picks with reading product descriptions straight off the labels.  

 

His picks after the jump...

THE PICK:  Carolina

THE SCIENCE: "Man, Kansas City is just torn apart.  They can't hang onto Gonzalez much longer. Those knee socks have been selling like crazy, but my sister bought three pairs and they all fell apart in the washing machine."

THE PICK: Chicago

THE SCIENCE:  "Losing Millen won't make Detroit a better team that fast. I know Detroit fans won't want to hear it, but even without him there it's still a Millen-affected team, and it's gonna stay that way for a while.  Here, Pear Glace is a much lighter scent.  Dab some behind your ears and see what you think."

THE PICK: Green Bay

THE SCIENCE:  "See, the thing about our gift sets that puts them ahead of your other bath shops' is they don't come in little plastic bags or whatever.  You give somebody this, they got bath stuff, and they got a purse they can take out that night.  Unless they live in Green Bay.  Here, give this to someone as an apology that they have to spend their lives in Wisconsin."

THE PICK: Miami

THE SCIENCE:  "Who buys men's cologne from Victoria's Secret?  This stuff flies off the shelves.  I bet it's all tourists buying it.  From Miami."

THE PICK: NY Giants

THE SCIENCE:  "The Ipex is all right.  They call it science, but it's just spandex. Hey, think that should be on the label?"

THE PICK: Philly

THE SCIENCE:  "We don't sell the actual angel wings, but you can't believe how many questions we get about that.  If we did you'd see jackass Philly fans all over the place with the wings taped to their heads."

THE PICK: Baltimore

THE SCIENCE:  "The T-shirt bra is actually really popular.  You don't need the Ipex if you just get it fitted right the first time.  And it comes in more colors."

THE PICK: Indy

THE SCIENCE: This was the point where I started stage-coughing and conspicuously playing with my UT pen.  Your mileage may vary.

THE PICK: TB

THE SCIENCE:  And then we realized we should check out the PINK collection, and laughed sadly at the many schools that can't have any actual pink in their PINK thanks to all the orange.  Which translated into a Tampa Bay pick because, as Mark said in a loud voice where his manager could overhear, "Pink goes better with red and white than blue and orange."  I really hope I didn't get him fired.

THE PICK: Buffalo

THE SCIENCE:  "Are garters uncomfortable?  I wouldn't wanna wear those."

THE PICK: San Francisco

THE SCIENCE:  "I don't know how they get away with calling these "medium coverage" when none of the fabric is touching your actual ass.  My girlfriend likes 'em , though. I'm not complaining."

THE PICK: Dallas

THE SCIENCE:  "Those silicone bras are the worst.  Who wants their tits to look like alien pods?  Dallas girls.  Thank you, Dallas girls, for buying plastic crap and keeping my job safe by continuing to think it makes you look hot."

THE PICK: Pittsburgh

THE SCIENCE:  "The sweaters are on sale on the website.  Because no one wants to buy sweaters from Victoria's Secret."

THE PICK: New Orleans

THE SCIENCE:  "What are we doing selling a boob cream with PHEROMONES in it?  That's, like, medically irresponsible.   Seems like something that would sell big in New Orleans, though.  It's too cold in Minnesota to need boob cream."

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